Entrepreneurship, Writing

The Law Of Attraction ~ Real or Nonsense?

I have an old friend that I would have deep conversations with about “manifesting” and he told me he didn’t believe in that. He couldn’t comprehend how positive thinking, wishing and hoping could actually make things “magically” happen. I have in turn spent a lot of time pondering this question. Part of why I wanted to become a writer and put my feelings on display to the whole world was because at the end of my life I wanted to prove that manifestation is real and there is a science to it. I knew the only way to do this would be to have records of history. Things that I wrote down that over time have come to fruition. I knew nobody would believe me if I told them the story in retrospect so I needed timelines to show evidence. I wanted to take the “magic” out of it and focus on the *steps* that I took which led me to the end result I was seeking. I have a few instances of my process working in ways that almost seem too good to be true but that have given me more faith in the Universe. After all “When you want something all the Universe conspires in helping you to achieve it”

~ Paulo Coelho. 

I have been journaling since I was 12 years old. It started as a tool to help me cope with a tumultuous home life. I needed a way to process my thoughts and feelings but I didn’t have a lot of close friends. We moved around a lot and I never had a chance to make a best friend until I was in middle school and my mother found a more stable home life for us. I feel like being able to articulate your thoughts and feelings helps you learn more about yourself and what you truly want. Whenever I feel stuck with a problem that is looping through my mind that I can’t figure out how to solve or maybe something is stressing me out or I am frustrated and I don’t know why, I will make a point to sit down and write about it. Somewhere along the way the answers will come to me. It’s almost as if my thoughts just needed to flow freely and be acknowledged before they could move on. Sometimes just getting the feelings outside instead of bottled up releases the pressure. Over time I made a habit of setting goals for myself. At the beginning of each year I would review my journal & calendar from the last year to see what I learned and accomplished. Then I write down what I will accomplish in the upcoming year. Not like a resolution because I feel those never last but rather the things I will do that are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-based (S.M.A.R.T.)… I can thank my Wells Fargo days for this little trick 😉

An example of a SMART goal is:

Specific – I am going to live a more healthy lifestyle that will lead me to lose unnecessary body fat.

Measurable – I will write down my daily progress on what I eat each day, focusing on macros and also what type of exercise I did & the duration. I will exercise a minimum of 4 days per week for at least 60 minutes. 

Attainable – I will cut beer, bread, processed foods and added sugars from of my diet and replace with more healthy fats, proteins and fresh produce. (Except on cheat days which I’ll allow myself to indulge once per week).

Relevant – This will help me feel lighter and have more energy so that I can focus on training in Aerial Silks. 

Time Bound – I’m not a huge fan of counting calories or hopping on a scale so let’s just say I will feel sexy in a swimsuit by June 15th (Swimsuit season)!!

Sometimes my goals are less put together but will say something like; “This year, I will develop a relationship with Threyda (Art Collective) and seek partnership opportunities with other local artists to help build my ArtBnB and expand my knowledge in the Denver Art Scene”. Another one of my goals for 2021 was to put myself out there in search of my partner. If I said something too simple like “I want to find a partner” then I am doing myself the great disservice of not being clear with myself or the Universe on what kind of person this lucky man will be. So I had to make it a SMART goal by saying: I will go on 21 new dates with different men in 2021 and not limit myself to dating only one person at a time. I will write down a list of what my partner is like and use language as if he already exists. I will allow myself to casually date as many people at one time as I feel drawn to so that I am opening myself up to unlimited possibilities and so that I take my time choosing the right person who fits best in my life & meets my needs. I will embody the things I am seeking in a partner so that I become a magnet for like minded individuals. 

About 10 years ago I was walking down the Santa Fe Art walk for “First Friday”. On the first Friday of each month all the local art galleries, boutiques, food trucks and artists would come out to the Santa Fe Arts District and display their work for passers by. One particular day I was drawn to a vibration. I could feel the bass pulling me closer and as I walked up I noticed a Box Truck with the back door lifted and a DJ inside, encased by a bunch of speakers that acted as the stage. That night was the first time I heard Tipper and felt so at one with sound. I remember later writing in my journal that I wanted to work with that crew. They went by the name of “Whomp Truck” and they were friends with some of my friends in the Burner community but I didn’t know any of them personally. I started attending their events and trying to get closer to them. I began hosting my own community potlucks every Wednesday because I enjoyed hosting. Later that year I was nominated to be on the board of an annual community event alongside 4 others, one of which was a crew member of Whomp Truck. After working with him and pulling off a major event, I was approached by the leader of the crew who told me he was really impressed with me and wanted to know if I’d be interested in attending some of their group meetings.

I ended up spending nearly 4 years in the crew and helped organize hundreds of events with them. They taught me so much about the industry and had I not walked up to their truck one fateful day and had I not decided they were people I wanted to get close to I don’t think I would be the person and event producer that I am today. When I revisited my journal at the end of that year I was shocked at how clear I was on my desire to work with them, specifically. I saw something special in them and their concept and knew that whatever they were doing was something I wanted to be a part of. 

The most profound experience I have had (so far) with the Law of Attraction, was when I decided to quit working at the bank in order to seek my “dream job”. I didn’t have the luxury of going to college and dropped out of high school when I was 16 in order to work and live on my own. After having my first child at 20 and going back into the service industry, I realized that I needed something more stable that had better hours, advancement opportunities & benefits. I started as a teller when I was 22 years old and then became a service manager overseeing the tellers. Later I became a banker and then a bank manager who oversees all the employees in the branch. The higher I climbed the ladder, the more corruption I noticed in the financial industry. We had high sales goals and were encouraged to persuade customers into buying our varying products & services. When I was a banker & teller it was easy to reach my goals because I truly listened to my customers and was able to refer them to the right products.

However when I became a bank manager I was trained to push for sales at all costs, despite what was right for the customer. I was trained how to manipulate customers into thinking they needed that extra checking account or credit card. I was taught how to play off people’s emotions in order to convince them it was a product they needed. Worst of all my District Manager expected me to train my employees these tactics without them realizing. If you’re curious, check out the Netflix Documentary series called ‘Dirty Money’ and watch season 2 episode 1: The Wagon Wheel – which was precisely what I went through at that company.

That experience made me feel dirty and ethically bankrupt. I ended up taking a side step to become a loan & credit expert so that I could only manage myself and not have to lead others. The last 2 years of my life at the bank were excruciating. Every morning I would wake up groggy and look into the mirror thinking “What would happen if I just didn’t go in today?”… But being the responsible person I was, I rarely called in and thus would force myself out the door. By the time I made it to work for our morning meeting I was already counting the minutes until the day ended. I would sit there and daydream about what else I could be doing if I weren’t stuck there. I would dream about doing yoga, having time to meet friends for lunch, sit in the sun listening to music… or whatever else sounded enjoyable. Then I would watch the next hour pass by and think, “Well there is another $26 in my pocket, I guess that’s good”. I couldn’t imagine how I would make that much money anywhere else as a high school drop out. I knew that in 2 more years I would get tenure which gave me more paid time off days and more benefits. Every year they would give me a slight increase just enough to keep me complacent. If I stayed there until retirement I would live a comfortable life and could provide for my kids… So every day became Groundhogs day and I would have the same internal struggle. Every morning I woke up when it was dark and spent an hour each way getting to & from work during rush hour. I spent $15 per day just to park my car downtown. By the end of my workday and stressful drive home the sun was already gone and I didn’t have the energy to work out or do something creative so I would grab a beer and sit on the couch to watch mindless shows until I passed out. Then I’d rinse & repeat the next day. I looked forward to my weekends when I would get to hang out with my family or my crew and work on projects together. The weekends flew by so fast and by Monday morning I was more exhausted than I was at the end of my work week. I wished and hoped for something to change but I was too afraid to change it myself. Then I went into training to become a licensed banker in which case I was removed from the branch and sent to a basement under fluorescent lights with no windows. My only job was to study every day for 4 weeks to prepare for my Series 6 & 63 exam. Once I passed the exam I would be able to sell investment products to clients. The weekend before I began studying I watched a film called “The Wolf of Wall Street” and it gave me a sinking feeling in my gut.. Was that the direction I was heading? Was I going to become a greedy hustler whose life revolved around dirty money and swindling sales? I brushed this aside and walked forward anyhow. After the first week of studying alone in the basement I realized nobody was checking on me. Nobody seemed to care what I was doing, what time I showed up or how long I was there… So one day I decided to go study at a cafe for lunch and finish out the day there. The next day I decided to spare myself the drive to work and just study from home. Over the course of the few weeks I was spending more time outdoors studying, meeting up with friends for my lunch break and feeling like I could finally breathe! I was dreading going back to the branch but felt confident that I would pass the test as I would study all 12 chapters from start to finish each day and then take the pop quiz at the end. I was consistently passing so when I went to take the actual exam (and failed) I was mortified! What they didn’t tell me was that the exam was broken into 2 parts; Product Knowledge (chapters 1-11) and the State Law exam (chapter 12). The state law exam only consisted of 20 questions but I only got 12/20 correct which was not a passing score… Even though I destroyed the other test, it didn’t matter because the state law exam stood alone. I realized that by the end of each study day I would taper off and lose my attention span. The state law chapter was super boring but I figured I was doing so well on the rest that I didn’t need to sweat it. After learning that I failed the exam I called my District Manager and he told me it wasn’t a huge deal, that I would come back to the branch tomorrow and work until the next study opportunity came up in a few months… I froze.. I didn’t know what to do but after feeling the freedom of being away from that environment I couldn’t fathom going back. I finally broke silence and said “I’m not coming in tomorrow…. I am going to take this weekend to think”. He said “Ok” and that he’d see me on Monday. Immediately after getting off the phone with him I called HR and asked them what was the longest leave of absence I was allowed to take without losing my job? They said 3 months and so I did the math to determine how much time I could afford to take. I had some PTO stored up and I had a little money in my savings account, plus I had some credit cards & line of credit. Next I thought about my overhead and bills that needed to be paid each month to stay afloat and which bills I could reduce somehow. By Monday I decided I was taking the full 3 months to get clear about what my next steps would be.

During this time I moved all of my banking clothes into another closet and only allowed myself to be surrounded by clothes that made me feel like *myself*. I dyed my hair pink, then red, then blue, then purple. I knew the bank would never allow this so I took full advantage while I could. I invested more time into my projects with the sound crew and even helped throw a festival with them out of state. When I would search for jobs I would select only jobs that were in the entertainment or events industry, many of which I was not qualified for but I knew that if you aim for the stars then you’ll probably land on the moon. As my 3 months leave was quickly approaching and I hadn’t found any work that was promising I decided that I didn’t have the heart to go back. I officially dissolved my 8 year long career in the financial industry the summer of 2014. I ended up racking up all my credit cards and going $21k in debt, but not before burning my bridge fully with the bank so that I was forced to find my way without a safety net. I knew that if the option to return was there, I would not push myself to my potential. I Knew that if I was going to uproot my well paying career it better be worth it! About 9 months of (FUN)employment later I began to worry. I consulted a friend and asked him what he thought I should do? He asked me what my dream job looks like… How many hours do I want to work, do I want to work with people or alone, what kinds of things do I enjoy and could be good at? I described to him that I didn’t want to work more than 30 hours a week and wanted to do something that allows me freedom to be myself and dress how I wanted and keep my colored hair. I was good at taking care of people and things, I was organized and I had a strong resume in finance, hospitality, events & management. He said that what I need to do is get on Craigslist every morning and fill out the categories for “job seekers” then sit there and click refresh every 5 minutes. I thought that was a weird waste of time at first but I trusted him so I followed his advice. One day I was casually sitting at my computer and hit refresh and then it popped up: 

 “Seeking gay friendly personal assisstant to work 20 hours a week doing the following…” and then the Ad listed a series of mundane household tasks such as cleaning, organizing, grocery shopping, errands, caring for plants & puppies… and at the very the bottom of that list it said “Organize 4-5 grand scale parties per year”. BINGO! I knew this was the job I wanted immediately and sent an email right away explaining that I was super gay friendly as I had gotten a part time bartending job at Tracks (an LGBTQ club). I sent them my resume in which I moved all of my career history to the end pages and used the front page to display all the community events and projects I was involved with over the years. I knew that I wanted to attract a job that appreciated my creative skill sets rather than another corporate soul sucking job. The first time I met my clients they looked oddly familiar like I knew them already. We had a casual interview and they asked me if I was going to be ok with their lifestyle? I told them I had been to Burning Man 4 times and there is nothing that is going to suprise or offend me,,, then *I* asked *them* if they would be ok with my blue hair? I knew that I didn’t want to work for anyone who forced me to be someone that I’m not. They laughed and said absolutely, not a problem. 2 weeks later they called and offered me a job at $15 per hour. I was in the mountains and unable to reply to their offer for a couple days so on Monday they followed up and said that I was at the top of their list but they hadn’t heard from me and didn’t know if I wanted the job but that they’d wait for me a couple more days. I told them I was interested but wanted $17.50 to start with a guarantee of $20 per hour after 3 months of getting to know me and my work ethic. I knew that in order to be taken seriously I needed to give myself value. If you don’t add value to yourself then you can’t expect anyone else to. I also think making them wait for a couple days for a response to their offer made me seem more desirable and not desperate. 

The most common misconception about “manifesting” is that people think they can just sit on their couch and pray that they’ll get that dream job, find that dream partner, lose the extra weight or become rich & famous… but they aren’t willing to do the work. Then they say manifesting doesn’t work and isn’t real simply because they aren’t willing to take responsibility for their own actions nor embrace their failures. Many times they won’t even try from fear of failure. They would rather blame external forces or other people for their problems and they say “life just isn’t fair” or “I can’t catch a break”. Oftentimes we become paralyzed in our daily life and seduced by consistency. We would rather endure comfortable suffering than face the possibility of the unknown. When in actuality the only way to attract something to you is by embodying the lifestyle or dream before it even happens. Fake it till you make it 😉 I know that one day I will write my own music and while I am playing on stage in front of a large audience I will play my best track then do an Aerial Silks performance that knocks the socks off of the crowd and then I will gracefully come down, take a bow and get back on the decks to finish the show! But I know that if I eat junk food all day and don’t put in the work to take the steps towards this, it will be nothing more than a fantasy.

I have worked for this family for over 6 years now and couldn’t be more happy with my decision to uproot my career. I knew that doing that was going to be a challenge but I believed in myself and I knew that I was being pulled in another direction. I didn’t know what I was going to do but I knew that I had to take steps towards it to show the Universe I was serious. Today I own my business in property management and work as an independent contractor which allows me to expense a lot of my bills and pay less in taxes than I did as a salaried employee.  I get to pick my own hours and avoid driving during traffic, plus I work remotely half of the time. I work half the hours and make twice the pay as when I left the bank. The extra free time I have has allowed me to pursue my creative goals and develop my production company on the side. I wake up with the sun most days and ease into the morning with some meditation, tea and a little work out. I currently manage a private home, a weekend retreat, and 2 AirBnB’s alongside my new studio space. My clients treat me better than any employer ever has and they genuinely care about me and my family. The other day Facebook showed me a memory that I had written back in 2015 after I just started working for them and barely establishing my role in their life:

You don’t have to take the same extreme leap that I did… after all I’ve been told many times that I’ve gone mad but as Alice pointed out; All the best people are 😉 Whatever you want in life can be achieved with time and dedication. When you fail, and you will, you have to get back up and try again. So what is it that you want to attract into your life? Visualize this and write it down in great detail. Then write down what SMART goals you can set to get you on the right path. There is a funny thing that happens when you start connecting with the quantum realm; it starts responding. We live in a world of infinite possibilities and when we embrace that and change our routines and our mindset we line ourselves up to receive the unimaginable. Every time we reach a goal, it gives us courage & confidence in ourselves to keep going. Always remember your “why”. Why do you want to stay focused, what’s in it for you? Hopefully your why is more about self improvement rather than superficial outcomes because the flip side of the Law of Attraction is that we also attract what we don’t want as much as what we do so being clear on your intentions and remaining true to self is important. 

If you don’t know where to start, think of the most successful and inspiring person you know (dead or alive) and learn about them. Learn about where they came from and how they came to be the person worthy of your respect. I guarantee they have gone through hell and back. I guarantee they failed more times than they succeeded.

We have to remember that Michael Jordan missed more shots than any other basketball player and THAT is what made him successful. I could go on and on about all the times that I lost or failed. Usually it was because I wasn’t ready and had more to learn from the failure than gain from the win. Other times it was something that wasn’t meant to be and learning to let go was the lesson. When something isn’t working, change it. You can’t keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result. But when you truly want something no failure will stop you from persisting anyhow. When I wrote a 14 page proposal for an Airbnb investment opportunity I was told no twice over the span of 2 years but the third time must be the charm because now I have manifested that too.

“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”

~ Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

spirituality, Writing

Believing in the “Woo-Woo”

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I had an amazing weekend which left me inspired and aching to write about it! I was entertaining a girlfriend of mine from out of town for her Birthday. She is one of my dear friends of 10 years who has always been such a great confidant, listener and even my “psychologist”. I rarely get to connect with her in real life but every time I do we pick things back up as if there was no time between us. Those are my favorite kinds of friendships. I wanted to treat her like the Queen that she is so I planned a lovely weekend at one of my Airbnb’s so it felt more like a “retreat” for both of us. I planned for us to get mani/pedis, check out a couple restaurants & bars that we’ve never been to alongside getting sound healing’s. On Friday night we decided to keep things mellow and cooked dinner and had some adult beverages. She noticed that I had a shelf in my ArtBnB full of mystical things like Tarot cards, astrology, fortune telling chopsticks and Archangel Michael cards. I don’t put much weight into that but I know a lot of artist/spiritual types love this kind of stuff so I have collected it over the years and put it in my rental space for guests to enjoy. Staying at my own Airbnb as a “guest” was really interesting and helped me think of all the things I could do to make my guests more comfortable and enjoy their stay. After all, hospitality is my middle name 😉 

She was specifically drawn to the Archangel Michael cards so I decided to humor the idea. We read the instructions and cleared the deck of previous energy. You have to then shuffle the deck until you feel or sense a stopping point. If any cards jump out of the deck you set them aside as they are a part of the reading but not the main card. Then you ask Archangel Michael a question you want to get answered. I thought deeply to ask about something of substance that I have been pondering for a while. Then it came to me… When I sat in Ceremony a little over a year ago, I had a very specific download. Spirit came to me and told me I was a Queen in my past life and that I will rise again in this lifetime. She told me I was a great Queen who was kind to my people. Spirit embraced me in what felt like a bubble of love and told me I have done such a good job and now is my time to take up space. I am not religious but I am highly spiritual and there have been a few times in my life that I’ve had wild experiences, “coincidences” or visions that altered my reality. That experience floored me and had an enduring impact on my life. However I did not understand what it meant when Spirit told me I would “rise again”. My question then for Archangel Michael was “Archangel Michael, how do I Rise? What do I need to do?”… Then I shuffled the deck and 2 cards jumped out. I set them aside and shuffled some more until I felt an urge to “stop now”. I pulled the top card from the deck and turned it over and it said “Write about your thoughts and feelings”. My jaw dropped as I have always been in love with writing and since I was a little girl I’ve always wanted to write a book one day when I’m old and there is a great story to tell. However I have been afraid of many things; How people will judge me, will anyone will even read it or whether I want to expose all of my shadows to the world and be raw & vulnerable or how it will affect the people around me who are a part of my story. I do my best to never use names however any clever person could probably put the pieces together if they really wanted to. I wonder how my openness can leave me exposed or impact my family. Then I turned over the other 2 cards that jumped out of the deck which read: “Shield Yourself” and “Your home is protected by Angels”. Woah! My eyes shot open and it was as if the answer to my long thought about questions were just dropped right in my lap. 

Woo Woo!

I told my friend about this and both of our readings were very much aligning to the question we asked. She asked me at some point why I want to write and display it to the world? Wouldn’t it just be easier to just write in my private journal and keep my life to myself? She prefaced this question with no judgement but only curiosity and said she just wants to understand what drives me to want this. It’s not the first time someone has asked me this question so I have taken a lot of time to get clear about my “why”. The answer as best as I can put it is that something inside of me has always told me to. Writing has always been cathartic for me. I started journaling when I was 12 and life at home got really hard. I needed a way to process my thoughts and emotions to get the feelings out so they don’t fester and become toxic energy. I also know that I have a voice that could help people. Rarely do I open up and tell the stories of my past in great detail but when I do, oftentimes to this particular friend and a few other best friends, it flows out of me and they just say “Wow! How the hell did you end up like you did and not fall into the darkness?’. People often tell me on Facebook that my writings make them feel less alone and make them feel inspired to be themselves and not hide in fear anymore. I am told I have a gift for writing and that it could be used for good. To be totally honest I have tried re-reading my journal entries from my adolescence and it was really embarrassing. The emotions are there however I was bad at spelling & grammar alongside not being able to fully express things the way I mean them. Since the age of computers I have begun typing which is far easier to correct a typo or misspelling and doesn’t cramp up my fingers as much! I also found a huge shift in my writing when I started letting other people read it. Something about the pressure of being judged or misunderstood made me get really good at articulating myself. When I only write to myself in my journal it seems to come across as rabble. Not only does making my thoughts and feelings public help me fine tune my skills but also it helps others find their voice. I feel like I could help people believe that it IS possible to overcome your circumstances. If I can do it, so can anyone! It was a process and one that I’ve been hyper self aware of because I knew the life I was born into was not the life I wanted to create for myself. As a child I didn’t care for Superhero’s but rather admired real life humans like Martin Luther King Jr, Rosa Parks, Nelson Mandela, Abraham Lincoln and those who fought for the betterment of humanity regardless of how hard it was or how it hurt them. They took on the world’s suffering as their responsibility and fought for what they knew was right even if it made them uncomfortable, hated or even got them beaten, jailed or killed. I thought when I was only 6 years old “If they can do it, why can’t I?” 

As much as I love to write I have been slacking. Making excuses about not being ready or being in fear. I have been putting it off or slowly stumbling my way through it with no consistency or discipline. I know that I can’t live my whole life based on what some card reading or astrology book tells me because I believe in free will, however I also believe that the trick to manifesting your destiny is to believe in something, be clear about what you want and take the steps towards it. Whether you call this “woo-woo”, pseudoscience or complete nonsense, I believe sometimes we need something to push us to that next level. I have been listening to my intuition for decades and the only time it fails me is when I listen to the fear and not the love.

Archangel Micael, Thank you for helping me tap into my God Given creativity and wisdom so I clearly express myself and glean insight, blessing and healing.

Archangel Michael, I ask you to protect me, my vehicle and my home with your powerful shield. Surround us in your purple light which allows only pure love to penetrate. Please stay with me day and night and keep my loved ones safe from specific people or situations that might want to hurt me.

Archangel Michael, thank you for watching over my home and it’s inhabitants. I ask that you post guardian angels at each window and door ensuring it’s security. Thank you for guarding my finances so that I can easily afford my rent, mortgage & taxes.